Yesterday, I visited the Mall of America, less than a mile from my hotel here in Minneapolis. Wow! Originally I planned to loop all three levels and take in all the commercial splendor and gluttony this country has to offer crammed into one rather large space.
Anchored by Macy’s, Nordstroms, Bloomingdales and, for the average folk, Sears, this behemoth channels through football fields of retail glory. Every chain store imaginable is represented with sleek window displays, lighting, signage and decor. The common space is filled with kiosks selling cell phone accessories, kitchen magnets, hair extensions, crystal hair accessories, sunglasses, posters, one even specialized in old kung fu DVDs.
My personal favorite was the Clear Smile kiosk where you can have your teeth whitened by coating a hydrogen peroxide paste to your teeth and then wrap your lips around a cool spectrum light emitting tube for twenty minutes. So convenient. While sucking on your mouthpiece, whitening those teeth, enjoy relaxing music and sit back and watch all the shoppers go by, all for $149 plus tax.
The center of the mall houses the Nickelodeon Universe, an amusement park complete with roller coaster rides, fun houses and ready access to cotton candy, smoothies and slurpies. Evidently, the fun center is an attempt to make the Mall a tourist destination.
Access to the amusement park is free and to use the rides you need only insert your credit or debit card into one of the conveniently located ticket dispensers, follow the instructions on the touch screen, withdraw $29.95 from your bank and secure your encoded wrist band. The wristband magically opens the gate to the ride of your choice, you are magically secured into your seat and just as magically swept up into the air, spun upside down for a few turns and then safely returned to earth.
Quite magical that all this can be done without employing any humans or providing any jobs. Note: The rides were not well attended on this day.
Anyway, I was unable to complete the loop of the entire megalopolis because this rural girl started to suffer from severe sensory overload after the first two or three hundred yards.
Mall of America, is pleased to announce that the Minnesota legislature appears to be backing a state wide tax increase on behalf of the developers to finance Phase II.
More from Minnesota later.
